it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
