i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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