he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
