Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
