Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
