Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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