If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Sober January is a disaster.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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