I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
