I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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