Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
