3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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