all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
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I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
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Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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