I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I licked your asshole in confidence.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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