woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
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there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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