allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
