Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
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