I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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