They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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