I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
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No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
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I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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