Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
