I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
