I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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