Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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