I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize