I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
