the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize