Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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