would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
no, he came in my armpit
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
