so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
