One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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