Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
