no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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