I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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