I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
