By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
