maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
