dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
