At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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