i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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