I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
