I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
two words...techno handjob
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
