I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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