I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
