How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
