thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.