Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
