Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just invented taco cereal.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...