That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.