I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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