Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
