Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
