I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
