I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Pooping to opera.
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