I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
