he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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