Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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