A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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