Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
