end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
