we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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