If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.