I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
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You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.