the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line