Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.