I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
