you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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