i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
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I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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